The firing squad

Well - I can now say I've joined a new club - AICD firing squad.

I was racing after a 12-hour day to the subway when I checked the monitor at the station entrance and it occurred to me that I missed my train home. At 9:01pm I got the first of 4 shocks. The next came maybe 15-20 seconds later & the next (and hardest) was maybe 30 seconds and the last one perhaps another 20 seconds. The joules discharged were 17,17, 31, 17.

A kind homeless woman called 911 thinking I had a heart attack. She even went upstairs to guide the EMTs to me. Thanking her was not enough. She deserves a medal. Was taken to the local hospital as my EKG kept tabletopping and not showing spikes. I figured, I missed my train, had no ride home so why not! They kept me there for 2 nights to watch the enzyme levels spike & go down. They also changed my settings to a higher threshold. I felt fine, enjoyed the clean sheets & sponge baths for a change. I will say that there is nothing and I mean NOTHING worse than hospital food when you’re a cardiac patient. They automatically put you on no salt (despite my incredible low blood pressure and flawlessly clean arteries), Everything tastes like paste.

My other Bionics were interested in the gory details (its how we learn) so I’ve shared the following:

My settings were low as my HR never, and I mean never, gets above 125. My EP has also re-verifies it each time I'm in as they usually set it low after installing it & see what the usual max HR is and adjust accordingly. Mine was never reset. And I've done tons of stadium stairs, Gym & hours of cardio, not to mention the single father of 3 young men (17,21,24) who have been known to test my threshold. My device WAS set to monitor @ 150, Fire @ 170 and I'm sure they don't just look at the HR, but the Quality and Dynamics of the beat.

I was awake. I slumped (fell?) against a wall backside-first with the second shock. Didn't see any bright lights or hear any sounds. Honestly, it felt like a kick to the chest - not so much painful, as shocking (mild pun intended). This truly happened just as I realized I missed my train. I didn't realize it at first then a second or so later thought - "Geez, this might have been a . . . BAM" second shock. I tried to gain composure and mentally calm myself down and lower my HR, but I guess this action releases adrenaline and that kind of makes it difficult. The third one caught me just after an exhale so this scared me a bit, but I realized I really needed to gain control and I eventually slipped below the discharge threshold. The fourth was as I was trying to dial my kids, I gave up till the paramedics arrived. No pain afterwards, just mild disgust having to deal with this (the past 7-10 days have not been the best).

I think one of the weirdest thing is having to relive this every time I pass that monitor! The last two days I'm doing my usual "brisk walk" to the station and descend the 2 flights down via stairs and I get the most un-nerving feeling as enter that portal. I guess its partly PTSD, which is understandable (and I'm not making light of those who do suffer with it). I guess time will heal. I'm also keeping an eye out for my angel !

In retrospect, I'm glad I got to experience this as I'll be better prepared for the next one. The same going in for my Myectomy - I felt so much better by learning from others that I wasn't scared & understood everything. I hope this helps others, as I'd like to put it behind me now and get on with enjoying life.

It all depends on how you look at it

I've been really having a rough time these past two months & my sister calls to check on me weekly & I'm sure she notices that my once bubbly disposition is starting to pop - little by little. This past Friday I called her to say that despite working a 73 hr. week, today another employee announced he's leaving, I attended a funeral for my best friend's father, my gym partner/dentist informed me my 24-year old son needs 6 teeth extracted due drug abuse, my car got towed and I had to go to two tow yards in lovely downtown LA to find it. Accordingly, I nearly missed the beginning of my friend's one-women show. I'm really having a good day! Somehow, I was not going to let this get to me. It all depends on how you look at it.

So onward & upward!

So long Coco!

Finally! After 3 weeks of no communication (Phone, internet) I can now reach the outside world. I've been having static on my line for months. From my years working at Telco companies I assumed it was spyders - literally cobwebs on the wire, that coupled with moist winter air. I had been meaning to go out there and dust them, but with my work schedule, it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. That and the typhoons of late, the system crapped out sometime between the 18th & 24th. It petered out in bits, first no ringing, then no dial tone, then no caller id, then I had a private tech out to check our system and he found an old active line that was acting up. This one was used to connect the computer to the outside world but he's the one to identify that the line was bad (Verizon self check said it was fine).

So after some fiddling he was able to restore a dial tone, but it was accessing my neighbor's line (Coco). Now, I was not able to receive calls nor dial out or surf porn, but I could tell when when Coco got a call and could listen in (and comment). Too bad Coco had no idea who I was.

I had called Verizon to offically put in a fix it ticket and was given a January 12th date for repair. I later realized my device could not contact my cardiologist and this was now a medical need as well. It took me two days of calls to finally get someone in repair to list it as a medical emergency. Still, no change in date! It wasn't until I contacted the PUC and filed a complaint yesterday that Verizon finally did something about it. Less than 24hrs later two trucks show up. Seems the squeaky wheel does get the grease.

Still tired

So tired. I did my timecard yesterday - 3 days into the pay period and I have 48 hours! something is wrong here. That coupled with the fact that I'm still cutting down my meds (cut in half every month, in the home stretch now) and a grueling work schedule - and I'm pooped.

Friday I was lucky (?) enough to deliver the proposal to the client in Denver (and this is the NFL project in downtown Los Angeles). Denver was fine. Got it there 2 hours early & gave a Gensler guy a ride back to the airport - New to the firm/career & wondered if it will always be this bad. I told him I started in my twenties, that was 80 lbs ago, and then I told him I'm 32. You should have seen his jaw drop.

Taking Monday off - Sadly, my EP office called & it appears my device is sending him reports he doesn't like. Guess where I get to go on my day off - to my doctor's office in LA!

Brilliant Idea!

I was bummed recently with trying to get the house refi'ed so I can get rid of any obligations I have with the ex. Its taken 4 months!. Seems mortgage company didn't like the language used in the paperwork and had lots of questions. Some I could see as they pertained to the settlement, others - a bit prying as they dealt with custody issues (and I can see how this affects my qualifying if I had payments). So back to my depression. . . it was further amplified as I asked the paralegal who dd the paperwork if I was vulnerable and yup - I was. You see, I did not seek half of the ex-wife's retirement account as we both knew I would not be able to qualify for refinancing the entire equity of the house. We both agreed that this was a fair resolution, though not reflected in paperwork. So I forgo the retirement AND I owe her 50% of the equity! Well - Once ex saw the appraisal, I'm sure dollar signs danced in her head (Lipo, boobs, facelift, travel, fly boyfriend out from England again). She had, in fact, inquired if I could actually access her retirement (I could but it would cost too much). So I was a bit nervous. I needed her to sign off on the amount I could qualify for (a difference of about $22K ) fast and I'm thinking she must be talking to others who are coaching her to screw me.

So. . . . While getting rid of gas at work (I won’t elaborate any more) it occurred to me how I should handle any possible “financial issues” with the ex –

If she decides to play ugly and ask for the entire 90K rather than the 60-67K I can afford (and she agreed to), I can counter with one of two things:

“Hey – you have legal first right of refusal on the house” – She can buy me out! (as she can qualify for a higher mortgage) Or -

I’ll just sell it (a hassle), but if she refuses to buy it that’s the only option, If I sell, it’ll only net her possibly 60 on a good day. Besides, if either of these two events happen, she will owe me the mortgage & taxes I’ve paid so far (as it contributed to her equity as well - about an additional 20K)

So I feel much better (both financially and physically) thank you.

exhausted

I'm pooped. I've worked 3 weeks in a row without a break. Weekends spent in Los Angeles, while tourists are gawking below are annoying.
I really feel used too. I don't mind the occasional crunch, but I have 4 people that feed me work. 2 are in Asia most of the time & their partners so you just have to kind of suck it up. They aren't the bad ones, its the senior associates (or Sr.Asses). They've got something to prove & "by god, their gonna prove it - through me!" I call one AssholeAmy & the other is DoucheDude. AA is anal to the highest degree. Her bunghole is so tight, you can insert charcoal & she'll shit diamonds. She means well, but she is basically an overachiever with no life so she takes on EVERYTHING in the office. Kind of like a high school cheerleader on speed. She makes changes upon changes and if your don't make the changes fast enough, she'll do it herself.
DoucheDude was named by others as he lacks common courtesy of saying thank you. He also has other character flaws like he promises things then forgets, or my favorite - work bombs. He likes to drop little annoying tasks one on top of another. I don't think he's malicious or mean, just careless in how his actions affect others. When he asked how my weekend was, He meant well. When I answered "shitty, spent it here - again". He had the perfect opportunity to say - "Sorry, I appreciate it". But he doesn't.
The fact that I'm paid soooo much less than before, and now my expenses are going up as I got to pay off the one who lied to and cheated on me. They keep telling me that my bonus is structured by how much OT I do. Well toots, I've got 20+ years experience and I know that in this industry, at this time, bonuses are like carrots to horses. I'm not keen on having one dangled in front of me, and a can pretty much tell when their blowing smoke up my ass, and frankly, I can't see 3 feet in front of me. I guess, whats worse is that bonuses are not paid at the holiday season - they pay at fiscal year end, in March. I'll wait to see if in fact there is any kind of renumeration or mentioning of my hard work at Christmas. If I feel their still lying, I'm letting those recruiters know I'm exhausted, er . . . interested.

My pledge as your friend. . .

1. When you are sad ~ I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue ~ I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile ~ I will know you are thinking of something that I would probably want to be involved in.
4. When you are scared ~ I will rag on you about it every chance I get until you're NOT.
5. When you are worried ~ I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused ~ I will try to use only little words.
7. When you are sick ~ Stay the fuck away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall ~ I will laugh at your clumsy ass, but I'll help you up.
9. This is my oath .... I pledge it to the end.

Why- you may ask??
~ because you are my friend.